Just wondering

Who is writing this juvenalia for the Scott Walker campaign? Does Walker think this is even remotely humorous? If so, it disqualifies him from being governor and he should just drop out now. Truly embarrassing.

Jim Doyle and A Trial Lawyer: Their Conversation.

(Scene: Jim Doyle and a Trial Lawyer enjoy time together at the mansion earlier this week discussing dirty money and election year politics.)

Disclaimer: All characters and events in this satirical exchange-even those based on real people-are entirely fictional.

Trial Lawyer: Jimmy - we got a tough situation here. Capping medical malpractice damages is not good for 'my people' and I wouldn't want to have to cut off your reelection funding just because your veto pen didn't work.

Doyle: But Mr. Trial Lawyer, Scott Walker has been campaigning all over the state saying that these caps will cost the people millions in the form of higher health care costs. He's also written about it all over his website at www.scottwalker.org. We need to work together - what am I going to do?

Trial Lawyer: Jimmy, I know things are not looking good right now. You are sitting at 40% approval in most polls. Everyone agrees you are probably the most vulnerable incumbent governor in the country. In addition, I agree this Scott Walker fellow is causing you a lot of trouble. Let's be honest, four straight budgets that freeze the property tax levy - years of executive experience - a talented communicator with a message of taxes and trust and a fantastic BLOG that he writes himself. Hmm. We may need to rethink this.

Doyle: Oh thank you Mr. Trial Lawyer! Thank you, Thank you!

Trial Lawyer: Oh be quiet Jimmy, I have to make some phone calls, wait here.

(Trial Lawyer exits for a few moments for phone calls with the Trial Lawyer board of directors. Doyle waits patiently as he was told)

Trial Lawyer: Ok, we've discussed the situation and we're going to allow you to sign this bill, however, we have some requests.

Doyle: Anything! I'll do anything to sign this bill and take away an issue from Scott Walker. You know he got 58% in Milwaukee County during his reelection and I only got 57%. If he is my opponent, I am doomed.

Trial Lawyer: Shut up about Walker - there's nothing we can do about him now. Focus on this!

Doyle: Yes Mr. Trial Lawyer.

Trial Lawyer: Here's what you're going to do: you'll sign this bill and say that it's going to be a 'close call' on whether the state supreme court upholds the law. We're going to say we are 'surprised' by your decision.

Doyle: I like it, I like it!

Trial Lawyer: I'm not done yet. If I have to tell you one more time,

Doyle: Yes Mr. Trial Lawyer

Trial Lawyer: We have also decided that we will continue to fund your campaign with the following conditions:

1) You will tell the people of Wisconsin that you believe it is 'debatable' as to whether caps lower insurance rates and health care costs
2) You will make no further comment on your medical malpractice signature
3) You will veto all legislation related to liability lawsuits
4) Once elected, your first order of business will be to declare November 8th Trial Lawyer Appreciation Day.

Do you understand?

Doyle: It's going to take a lot of money to accomplish those tasks Mr. Trial Lawyer. Scott Walker has a huge following and is very popular with my base in Milwaukee.

Trial Lawyer: I agree, but you know how to buy elections; you've done it before.

(Trial Lawyer and Doyle laugh together) End Scene