Gun Guys speculate on NRA announcement

From my friends The Gun Guys

Howdy Partners,

STOP THE PRESSES!

Wayne LaPierre and his friends at the NRA have announced that they'll be making a major announcement to the assembled press corp this coming Monday in Columbus, Ohio. In honor of this, we've assembled a list of the top ten things Wayne might announce at his press event:

1. NRA Takes Side In Long-Standing "Tastes Great, Less Filling" Debate. Sides With Tastes Great.

2. Wayne LaPierre announces secret French citizenship, resigns in disgrace.

3. NRA Chair announces he's changed his name to John Wayne LaPierre. Legally removes "LaPierre" at press conference next week.

4. Decries "Communist Liberal Nazi gun grabbers" for attempting to prevent the lawful sale of straws.

5. LaPierre and assembled NRA cronies announce they were "just kidding" about all their ridiculous propaganda. NRA instantly declared best practical joke of all time.

6. LaPierre announces NRA grant to go ahead and get John Lott the sex change he so desperately wanted. No word on if they'll pay to eliminate Ann Coulter's adams apple .

7. Urges Bush to nominate a Supreme Court Justice "that's at least shot somebody."

8. LaPierre and assembled NRA supporters just start yelling "yee-haw," have the rootin'est tootin'est square dance the press have seen since David Duke ran for office.

9. Press conference features surprise guest, the prince of darkness himself, who lauds their work which "has done wonders for the property values in Hell."

10. LaPierre kidnaps and ships non-sympathetic Columbus journalists to Florida, claims they pushed him, and pops a cap in all those commies.