Meet the threats to Wisconsin marriages

As the Republican-run Assembly gets ready to put a constitutional ban on gay marriages and civil unions on the ballot, it might be instructive to meet one of the couples who pose such a threat to marriage in Wisconsin that we need a constitutional amendment to stop them.

Meet Bill Hetland, a friend of mine of almost 40 years, a journalist's journalist who left his positive mark on a number of Midwestern newspapers before changing careers and working in the addiction prevention field.

The story of Hetland and his longtime partner, Phil Anderson, is inspirational. It's a lesson in loving, caring and commitment.

As you read it, think about just what kind of threat it is that they pose -- and to whom.
Bill wrote this op ed column for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel in August 2004:

What threat to marriage?

By BILL HETLAND

As I gave my paralyzed life partner, Phil Anderson, a urinary tract flush on a recent Monday night, his catheter failed. Following two unsuccessful attempts to replace the catheter and a phone call to an emergency room nurse at the Zablocki VA Medical Center in Milwaukee, we were able to correct his problem on the third try. I got to bed at 1 a.m. and was up at 4 a.m.

The following Wednesday night after I returned to our Kenosha home from making a work-related presentation at a courthouse in Waukegan, Ill., Phil had a temperature of 105 degrees. I slept on a couch so I could get up and put cold compresses on his head. He sleeps in a hospital bed in our sunroom because he has no access to the two bedrooms on our second floor. I had about two hours of sleep that night.

So, when I read columns and letters about gays wanting to get married so rice can be thrown at the ceremony and that loving couples like us are a threat to the "sanctity of marriage," I get angry. It isn't so much about having the same rights as straight couples - although that would be nice. Rather, I'm angry with those who demonize gays and think that loving gay couples like us somehow threaten that sanctity. We have been together for almost 16 years and have survived incredible challenges during the past three and one-half years.

Phil was paralyzed from the waist down in a February 2001 auto accident and has since been hospitalized for femur reconstruction, lung surgery, a stroke, gallbladder surgery, multiple seizures, chronic pain and numerous other health problems. Last September, during a celebration of our 15 years together, I presented Phil with a framed "Certificate of Survival" in recognition of his incredible courage.

I'm 60 and Phil will be 49 on Nov. 23. Yet somehow, loving gay couples like us are a threat.

We are fortunate that Phil, a Marine vet, received life-saving surgery at Froedtert Memorial Lutheran Hospital and that he gets good ongoing care from the spinal cord injury unit at the VA hospital. The medical staff, social workers, psychologists, therapists and other employees have been quick to respond to our needs. As far as I know, they don't consider loving gay couples like us as a threat to marriage's sanctity.

We are also grateful for the support and understanding of many friends - most of them straight. Those friends include my colleagues at the addictions prevention and treatment agency I work for in Illinois. And both Phil and I have been blessed to have members of the Anderson and Hetland families in our corner. Phil's brother-in-law and a brother, for example, directed the construction of a wheelchair ramp so that Phil could have easy access to our home. Before the ramp was built, I had to pull Phil up and down the front steps in his wheelchair.

Having the support of our families means a lot because there are too many smug and sanctimonious zealots out there who seem to think that loving gay couples like us are not only a threat to the sanctity of marriage, but also to the sanctity of the family structure.

Good heavens, we love our families. Phil has received some real morale-boosters by attending family events like the high school graduation of a niece last year in the Upper Peninsula and the wedding of another niece this June in Brown Deer.

Yet, despite our strong belief in the value of the family structure, there are still far too many individuals out there who perceive loving couples like us as a threat to society.

Like Phil, I'm a veteran, having served in Vietnam. We have both served our country honorably and have been honorable in our commitment to each other. Yet there are still folks who see gay couples like us as a threat to the sanctity of marriage.

Are we a threat to that sanctity? We are not.

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from the Action Wisconsin website:

Bill Hetland & Phil Anderson, Kenosha

My life partner, Phil Anderson, and I have been in a loving, monogamous relationship for more than 17 years. Phil is a Marine Corps veteran and I served with the Army's 1st Infantry Division in Vietnam. Phil was featured in a Kenosha News article for enduring numerous physical and emotional challenges since his paralyzing accident on Feb. 19, 2001.

At a celebration of our 15th anniversary in our home in 2003, I presented Phil with a Certificate of Survival for his bravery in surviving “back surgery, femur reconstruction, broken ribs, lung surgery, gall bladder surgery, bladder infection, urinary tract infection, a stroke, excruciating chronic pain and two major seizures.”

In a feature article by Karen Gustafson of the Kenosha News, Karen noted: “It’s been a survival story as well for their partnership that has endured despite the physical, emotional and financial struggles. Theirs is a stronger relationship both say in spite of all the life-altering events that could have torn it apart.”

Considering what Phil and I have endured -- and survived -- I'm still almost amused at those who fear for the sanctity of marriage. It's amazing to us that there are so many people who assume that all gays are immoral and promiscuous. We certainly aren't "recruiting" people to our "lifestyle." It's also unsettling when we read about legislators and clergy who say they fear for the future of the family structure if gays are given additional rights. After all, we are so appreciative of the members of our families who have rallied to provide support in so many ways, including building a wheelchair ramp so Phil can get in and out of our home. We've attended weddings, graduations and funerals involving members of our families. It's hard to fathom why relationships like ours can be perceived as a threat to any family.