Take 2 Prozac and don't call me in the morning

A reader emails:

[Jessica McBride's] blogging about the JS editorial (editorial being the operative word) that didn't make her feel good about the war had me laughing my ass off, until I realized that this woman actually is employed to teach.

Yes, and what's worse, it's journalism that she's supposed to be teaching.

Apparently she missed the chapter about editorials and columns being opinion pieces, as distinct from news stories. They have a point of view. Sorta like a blog, like, y'know, Jess? Like where you state on your blog what you think as though it is indisputable, even when you're talking like a fish.

Clearly she is confused about it. Otherwise, how could you explain this McBrideism:

I haven't choked on my morning coffee to this extent since the asterisk editorial. This Sunday's Crossroads section was an outrage.

Let's start with the huge blaring headline:

We are NOT winning (not was in red)

Thanks, Journal Sentinel, for that inspiring Sunday morning read.

First of all, the headline stated this as a fact. This is not a fact. For example, I believe we are winning. At the very least, this is a matter of debate. The headline should have read:

We are not winning, according to the Journal Sentinel

Applying the same logic, that last sentences on McBride's blog should have read: "The headline should have read: We are not winning, according to the Journal Sentinel," according to Jessica McBride's blog.

But the sentence I just wrote, then, should have been: Applying the same logic, the last sentences on McBride's blog should have read: "The headline should have read: We are not winning, according to the Journal Sentinel," according to Jessica McBride's blog, according to The Xoff Files.

So you see where this is going -- nowhere, fast. Ah, but there's more:

By the way, are you done now Journal Sentinel editorial board? You are doing everything you can to scare us all to death and make us feel negatively about this war. The headline on the editorial read:

Editorial: Be afraid, very afraid, in terror war

You should be ashamed. What American newspaper during WWII would have dreamed of assaulting readers with the headline: We are NOT winning. Tell that to the troops.

We were all so depressed after reading this morning's Crossroads, will you provide us with a month's free prescription of Prozac? They don't even want us to be happy we haven't had another terrorist attack on US soil...

What is the course title she teaches at UWM -- Journalism for Dummies?

And by the way, Jessica, you might want to check with your local DA, but I think Prozac still requires a prescription.

PS: The same Crossroads section -- Crossroads is the opinion section of the Sunday paper -- also carried a column by McBride soulmate Patrick McIlheran, who said the war is going great, if everyone would just have a little patience. It didn't say the war is going great if everyone would just have a little patience, according to Patrick McIlheran.

UPDATE: I actually checked the Brew City Brawler blog, which often carries commentary on McBride, before I wrote this Monday night. Nothing was posted at the time, but it turns out that great minds think alike. If I had known this item was in the works, I could have saved myself some work. Check it out.